the show must go on

Fast forward two years.... and things have changed.

I was sitting still this evening with no laundry to do, cleaning that can wait another day, boxes finally unpacked, dishes done, and feeling very melancholy.

So this is why I'm blogging again. Because I'm bored. I should be calling my friends/family and catching up on news. Instead, I'm doing a little self-reflection which can't hurt.

I got married and graduated from grad school this summer. That is probably what is adding to my sense of restlessness. When you're going to school, there is a clear-cut path. You take these classes to earn those credits to get that degree. I can't believe I actually miss that, but I guess it was bound to happen. Masters degree #2 is not in the future. Nope, not happening.

Planning for a wedding is similar to going to school, in a way. There's a deadline. There's a list of expectations. There are thank yous to write, gifts to put away, flowers to pick, people to invite, lists galore, itineraries, and just a ton of drama. Now its done. Which is nice...but I liked having something really exciting to look forward too.

Which brings us to the next word that pops into your head...

Baby.

Yep, that's on my mind now. In a strange, gross, weird way. Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I love babies. But the problem is that I still feel like a 12 year old. But, honestly, I'm not 12 anymore.

Maybe I thought that after finishing school and getting married I would finally have it together. Silly me.

My job sucks because I have such a negative attitude. I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. I'm fun enough. I know what I'm doing. I care. This is my mantra. This is my mission statement. They would be worse off without me...I think.