teacher as servant?

i went to my 3rd mentoring meeting today. surprisingly, i came away thinking that i learned something.

i have a cold. unfortunately, it is the kind of cold that hangs on and on. it's the kind of cold that isn't bad enough for you to miss school but still wears you out. the whole student body is infected. perhaps i should get some disinfectant and spray everyone down.

i had a student tell me yesterday that she was going to quit band. "its just not fun anymore." ouch. oh well. honestly, i should care but i don't. i questioned her about her feelings and said "you know, you have to put time into something to really get anything out of it." in the end, she can't quit mid-semester. its against the rules. so i guess, in a way, we're both screwed.

what ever happened to being sensitive to the students? caring about them--even loving them? jolynn would be ashamed of me. i thought i was going to be one of those teachers who showers love on her beloved and lovely students. i guess that was thrown out the window when i realized that i was being manipulated, lied to, and taken advantage of. nice teachers get screwed all the time.

teaching is such an emotional roller coaster. two days ago i was being complemented by a neighboring district's HS band director and invited to bring my students to his summer marching band clinic. apparently, he could see my band's improvement over last year. that was very nice. i need complements- i'm human - i'm young. and then yesterday i get my most difficult student telling me band isn't fun and that she is more of a choir girl. yay. thanks for that. it was like she wanted to hurt my feelings or that i should have said "oh, my, i'm sorry you are telling me that you think my class is boring and lame." whatever. i don't play that game. in the back of my mind i know she struggles and i want to help her. in reality, maybe i'm supposed to play the game. but then again, what am i teaching her if i continue to be manipulated by her? that in life if you complain enough, people will bend the rules and let you do whatever the hell you want. life isn't like that... at least i don't get that impression.

crap. i need to grow up and stop thinking about myself. it's not supposed to be about me. she needs to be in band and i should need her to be in band too. crap. i'm a snob. crap. crap. crap.

teacher as servant?

wow, i think i dropped the ball on that one.