i suppose i thought i would have a good time- that i might meet a few people. unfortunately, as i drove up to the local bar (one of two), i realized that i'm not that person. sitting in my car, under the neon beer bar lights, i remembered that i'm shy, insecure, and a complete stranger to all of the people inside. i can see all 5 of the bar's occupants, sipping their drinks, making small talk. i assume they all know each other-this is not too far fetched in a town as small as this. i suppose i would be an intruder, as one usually is when one enters a tight-knit circle of friends who do not expect or desire to meet new people. so i put the car in reverse and check my mirrors. nope, i'm not that person. maybe next weekend.

in light of my bar failure, i decided to try my hand at homemade martinis and i must say, perhaps i've found my calling. sure, they require a lot of time and effort- but i think it is worth it.

i'm just not ready to break into the social night life here. baby steps.
i think i'm pathetic. no, i know i'm pathetic.

i guess i'm just adapting to my environment. that's how people survive.